People say that, “ It’s okay to be afraid.” And that “ It’s more than okay to feel scared of your overwhelming shadows inside…”
Truth is, I am afraid and It still hurts because the pain that I’ve kept for years has grown to burn inside me. The pain that I wish had died for so long; remains to haunt me.
But, Do you know what the saddest part is? The saddest and most painful part of all this, is that… I don’t even know what I’m fighting for anymore… I don’t know what I’m holding on to and what I’m running from… Because ALL I know is that it’s FEAR.
Fear is life’s greatest weakness, it eats your minds away from reality to a point where, you feel lost and empty inside… perhaps alone even. Therefore; my greatest fear is moving on and leaving the past behind, and facing reality.
When you’re committed to someone, you wont allow yourself to look for perfection to someone else. You can’t allow the people you love to determine how you love… – Before We Go
I’m stuck between two bridges that leads me to a road of no destination, confused about which path in life to take; where do I go in all of this? Where do I begin? Why am I always that person who ends up drowning herself in guilt between two choices?
I made promises only to see myself breaking them each time, I’ve kept people happy and tried to save the lives of the one’s I cared about. Then again, I find myself looking for perfection of something I know I’m not good enough at… I look for compliments, dependent on others who always gives advices rather than trusting my own. Therefore; I’m back at square 1 where I’m allowing myself to let others decide for me.
I’m caught in the middle of the bridge, where both ends, play tug-o-war with me and its a tie between my soul, mind and heart. I’d ask God for help, but I lost my Faith and Hope in miracles… I lost and forgot what it once felt to believe… because the feeling of being on this bridge; feels like im burning in my own hell.
I scream, I ask for help, and I even reach out for others to hear me or understand me, but no one seems to hear me… I feel lost and scared and alone again. As, I stand on this bridge; I believe there’s a little bit of humanity, hope, and faith left in me and I believe that someday, I will find it in me to believe in Him again. I will find my own wings to fly and soar from broken wings.
Xx– Niina ❤️